lucid dreaming

a simple thought crossed my mind, and here is my exaggeration, in no way directed at anyone:


i think we have been together for so long, and we have come to accept out "maturity," in that we are so confident in our identities (and that of the other). we are close because we have a masculine-based relationship: the interests, the things we do, the discussions and debates... and that desire for status, secretly wanting status over the other (though we will never tell, or perhaps we do not know it?). and it works for us because it works for any other man-and-man friendship, why would it not work for us because we are females?

as much as we want to deny it, though, we are females. we seek connection. and therefore, we would support a fist-raising conflict about frustrations within the scope of life, but shy away from the conflicts within our own lives, with each other; for if we conflicted with the rest of humanity, perhaps our nature would be perfectly fine, were we detached from them. however, to conflict with each other is to risk understanding, risk that affinity, risk that (dare we say it?) connection.

on occasion, we would converse, and i would get that urge to intercede for you - not just listen, but listen in partial intent to intercede (the other part, to understand you). for what do i intercede? i will not tell you, in hopes you do not think that in interceding, my requests to heaven are assumptions and judgments on your life. As a general statement, however, i will tell you that truth inside me wishes that your connection with God strengthens, deepens. Ojalá que te enamores de Dios una vez, que encuentres paz en tu corazón, solo (¡y siempre!) de Él.

it's a weight i shoulder for you, hoping that somewhere in between the constrains of life, you find joy. and perhaps my wishes seem to be of a feminine nature, but in honesty, i would have wished that on anybody else as well.





today while i took a nap, i was so out of it, that i began lucid dreaming. i heard my alarm go on, so i "began to" sit up and attempt to open my eyes. it felt as if my contacts have been extremely dried that it was a struggle to open them, and upon doing so, my vision was blury. so i took my hands in front of me, started waving it in front of my face, but i could not see my hands. i could feel myself moving them two inches from my face, but it was only when i pulled it away that i could see them. odd. and i felt conscious the whole time, because i made those deliberate choices to wave my hands to confirm blurry vision, and pull them away to confirm whether or not my hands could be seen.
hmm..

7:02 PM