rain

i laid there, in the middle of the muddy field, the heavy rain beating on my fragile body. i wanted the water to dissolve my body and take me into the earth. i wanted my hair to become a nest for suffocating insects. i closed my eyes, listened to the heavens crumple thunder like an architect with creative block. the air was a comfortable warm, like a blanket, and i wrapped myself with it, pulling the sheets to my lips. i fell asleep in that rainstorm. and i dreamt, not of sunshine and blue, but of this very water rising, immersing me, collecting me. the water to my ears, the water to my cheeks, the water a few inches above the tip of my nose. and i did not allow myself to wake up, fearing that this is real, and suddenly i will remember how to breathe.

9:55 PM